How I Do It: Cautionary Advice from a Lesbian Painter

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				<title>How I Do It: Cautionary Advice from a Lesbian Painter</title>
				<author>Louise Fishman</author>
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					<persName>Haley Beardsley</persName>
					<resp>Editor, encoder</resp>
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				<respStmt>
					<persName>Erica Delsandro</persName>
					<resp>Investigator, editor</resp>
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					<persName>Margaret Hunter</persName>
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					<persName>Diane Jakacki</persName>
					<resp>Invesigator, encoder</resp>
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					<persName>Sophie McQuaide</persName>
					<resp>Editor</resp>
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				<respStmt>
					<persName>Olivia Martin</persName>
					<resp>Editor, encoder</resp>
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				<respStmt>
					<persName>Bri Perea</persName>
					<resp>Editor</resp>
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					<persName>Kaitlyn Segreti</persName>
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					<persName>Maggie Smith</persName>
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					<persName>Maya Wadhwa</persName>
					<resp>Editor</resp>
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				<respStmt>
					<persName>Ricky Rodriguez</persName>
					<resp>Editor</resp>
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				<respStmt>
					<persName>Lucy Wadsworth</persName>
					<resp>Editor</resp>
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				<funder>Bucknell University Humanities Center</funder>
				<funder>Bucknell University Office of Undergraduate Research</funder>
				<funder>The Mellon Foundation</funder>
				<funder>National Endowment for the Humanities</funder>
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					<name>Bucknell University</name>
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						<street>One Dent Drive</street>
						<settlement>Lewisburg</settlement>
						<region>Pennsylvania</region>
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					<licence>Bucknell Heresies Project: Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial
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					<licence>Heresies journal: © Heresies Collective</licence>
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						<title>Heresies Issue #3: Lesbian Art and Artists</title>
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							<publisher>HERESIES: A Feminist Publication on Art and
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			<pb n="74" facs="https://raw.githubusercontent.com/BucknellDSC/heresies/main/issue03/Issue3_images/issue3_076.jpg"/>
			<head>
				<title>How I Do It<lb/> Cautionary Advice from a Lesbian Painter</title></head>
			<byline><persName key="Louise Fishman" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q6688739">Louise Fishman</persName></byline>

<epigraph>
				Making paintings is one of the most illuminating and spiritual ways to focus your
					life. The following comments, advice, and information about my work process
					are addressed to lesbians who have made a decision to be painters.
			</epigraph>
			<div>
				<head>LOOKING</head>
				If you look at history you’ll find that almost every school of painting and every
					individual artist has rediscovered artists of the past or discovered new or
					different aspects of a particular painting or school of painting out of the
					specific needs of their own work. Need determines invention. The same has to be
					true of our needs for past art. As my relationship to my subject matter is very
					personal, so is my relationship to other painting. If an aspect of paint
					application in a <persName key="Paul Cézanne" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q35548">Cezanne</persName> interests me, the fact that I may not have responded to
					the spatial constructs or use of color is of little consequence. At another
					time, if those things become important to me, l will go back and look for
					them.
				I can dislike a painting but find a small part which engages me, a quality of
					light or some aspect of the drawing. These are things which usually find their
					way into my work, often because I was approaching them in some way already. A
					found connection in another painting can help crystalize my thought.
				It is important not to judge our own responses to paintings as inappropriate. Any
					place we deny the validity of our thoughts or activities is a place that will
					weaken our relationship to our art.
				Try not to cut whole bodies of work out of your vision unless you’ve looked at
					them and studied them thoroughly: don’t stop looking at <persName key="El Greco" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q301">El Greco</persName> because he’s
					not Jewish, or <persName key="Jean-Baptiste-Siméon Chardin" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q207447">Chardin</persName> because he’s not an abstract painter or <persName key="Henri Matisse" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q5589">Matisse</persName> because
					he’s not a lesbian. By all means look at <persName key="Agnes Martin" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q275610">Agnes Martin</persName> and <persName key="Georgia O'Keeffe" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q46408">Georgia O’Keefe</persName> and
					<persName key="Eva Hesse" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q215457">Eva Hesse</persName>. But don’t forget <persName key="Paul Cézanne" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q35548">Cezanne</persName>, <persName key="Édouard Manet" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q40599">Manet</persName> and <persName key="Giotto" ref="http://www.wikidata.org/entity/Q7814">Giotto</persName>. If good painting is what
					you want to do, then good painting is what you must look at. Take what you want
					and leave the dreck.
			</div>
			<div>
				<head>DOING</head>
				My experience has been that I need to go through ritual events before my mind is
					clear and focused enough to work. It involves an hour or two, or sometimes a
					day or two; of sweeping the floor, talking on the phone (not to anyone who could
					be too distracting or disruptive), keeping a journal, writing a letter, sending
					off bills, doing some sort of exercise or meditation, sitting quietly and
					reading or drawing. At certain times music has been very distracting.
				You have to learn what is helpful and what begins to jangle your brain.
				My experience is that leisure is important to work — so if I only have a little
					time to work, I try to compress some ritual loosening up into that time. Without
					the ritual I sabatoge myself. It’s important that these activities take place
					in the studio.
				After l’ve gone through this process, I try to take the painting by surprise. I
					begin as if accidentally (although all the while I have been sneaking glances at
					the work). Anything in my vision can be as distracting as noise or an emotional
					interruption.
				Some people say you must have no thoughts about other people or other things
					while you are working. often have a rush of imaginary conversations with people,
					ideas that fill the room. But I don’t stop working. They allow me to unhinge my
					unconscious. I don’t look for those conversations, but I let them happen. As I
					get excited about an image forming, I am often also engaged in what seems to be
					a totally separate thought.
				Once l’ve started working, the important thing is to keep myself in the studio,
					despite the fact that I invent lots of reasons why 1 must leave at that precise
					moment. When l’ve set up a day for painting, there is no pressing activity
					anywhere, unless 1 construct it on the spot.
				Sometimes, leaving the studio has to happen. It's never too clear until later
					whether l’m coping or copping out. As l’m about to leave the studio, l’m often
					more able to work than before. The brain gives up hugging itself into
					nonmovement and 1 am free to work again for a while. This is often the time when
					I do my best work. But there are times when that little joy that happens in
					working disappears for weeks. And I am suffering, making what seems like
					endlessly boring, ugly, uninspired forms. I can’t draw worth shit. Everything
					has become awkward. I feel like l’ve made a terrible mistake being a painter.
					And this goes on for weeks and weeks. The only thing that gets me through is a
					lot of complaining to a friend or my lover. I need them to encourage me into
					believing that I really am a painter and my troubles are temporary.
				The other thing that helps is knowing from past experience that this is the time
					of the hardest struggle and is usually the time when I learn the most about
					painting. And my memory is suddenly very short, like this is the first time this
					has ever happened to me.
				This is the most important time to stay with the work. Then there’s a short time
					when something changes, a painting or an idea evolves and there is a little
					relief in the air. The work is not necessarily better than what came before it,
					but it represents the end of that particular struggle.
				At the end of a work day, I usually leave the studio abruptly. I can’t seem to
					even clean my brushes. I sometimes forget to turn off the lights. If l’ve left
					a painting that 1 am particularly excited about, I know to expect <pb n="75" facs="https://raw.githubusercontent.com/BucknellDSC/heresies/main/issue03/Issue3_images/issue3_077.jpg"/>
					that by the next day I am often terribly disappointed by what had seemed pure
					genius. I often return to find a finished painting not at all finished, or a
					group of paintings I liked the day before suddenly repulsive to me, superficial,
					eclectic, simplistic.
				l’ve learned that a quick look can be very damaging. You often see very little of
					a painting in a quick look, although sometimes you can find fresh clarity about
					a work. More often than not, 1 am simply cutting off myself and several day’s
					work, denying the seriousness of that work and those thoughts.
				I can be a much worse audience than anyone I can imagine. I often switch roles on
					myself without being aware of it. 1 suddenly have become a person who stepped
					into my studio from the street, who despises the work because she knows nothing
					about it and couldn’t care less—a subtle bit of self-mutilation.
				It’s hard to paint, and it can be impossible if you don't recognize your own
					trickery. Handling your uncon-scious with firm but caring hands, fully
					conscious about your work process, is absolutely necessary.
			</div>
			<div>
				<head>INTEGRITY</head>
				I want us to develop a sense of our strength through the integrity of work, to
					trust the search for honest imagery through a dialogue with the materials and
					through a work process devoid of shortcuts. We’ve got to be ready to destroy
					anything that comes up in our painting which is less than what finally has a
					degree of clarity which we as artists using our most critical thinking can
					recognize.
				I want to caution against the dangers of purposefully and consciously setting out
					to make lesbian or feminist imagery or any other imagery which does not emerge
					honestly from the rigors of work. The chief danger as I see it lies in losing
					direct touch with the art, risking an involvement with a potentially superficial
					concern. This is not to say that the question of feminist or lesbian imagery is
					not a legitimate concern but rather to caution against its forced use.
				We can’t allow anything unworthy to distract us from working as intensely as
					possible. Distraction can be in the form of pressures about imagery, methods of
					working or process, anything that is characterized as the right way" or the
					only way." Or it can be in the form of people who are disruptive to our work,
					our sanity, our clarity, our ability to believe in ourselves. Get the creeps out
					of your head and out of your studio.
				We must be willing to trust our own impulses about what the source of our work
					is—and where to go with it. It takes long periods of time, perhaps years, to
					understand which habits are constructive, to discover what an honest source of
					inspiration is and to trust that source of inspiration.
				Be clear about people’s motives in visiting your studio, or wanting to discuss
					your work. Only let in people that you trust, unless there is something you want
					from them (a dealer, etc.). Know what you want from them and weigh that against
					the disruption of your time, your privacy, your space. These things are to be
					cherished and protected. It’s important to be conscious of anything that may
					build up inside you that could make you feel bad about yourself. Ultimately that
					takes a masochistic turn and the work suffers.
				Care for yourself. Through that caring you can make a commitment to your
					work.
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